So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
