This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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