2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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