lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found your dick twin last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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