ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
