Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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