You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
