i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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