im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
