I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do vagina's smell?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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