just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
