Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
