Betty ford says i'm here all night
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
