how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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