Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
