Your tits are I can't wait for
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize