I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
