Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ruined the universe
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
