So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
