Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
