K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
