We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
