I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
