She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
