Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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