Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
