Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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