Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
