He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
