Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
