It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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