There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
