There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.