You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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