Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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