So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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