Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
