Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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