go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
