I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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