this just has baby written all over it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
