sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
