first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
