What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
