I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
