remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
