Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
