mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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