she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
