I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
