you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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