fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
