Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
