So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
