There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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