After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
