You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
