WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
