The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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