Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
