I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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