I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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