"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
